Christmas! The Word became flesh and lived among us and the world was never the same again. It happened in an obscure place of no political or religious importance, among the poorest and unknown of the time. Love incarnate, among human beings, changes everything, and could change for the better even the most difficult situations. Below is an example from the USA that might throw light on what I mean for numerous situations in our own communities today. The following article is composed of extracts from the diaries of members of a family.

Fr. Jonathan

The Holy Family by Juan Simon Gutierrez

Los Angeles, March 1993:

Peter:

I was twelve years married to Barbara. It was a marriage like many others, with its highs and lows, and all the usual routines – getting the kids ready for school in the morning, not having enough money to get through the month and so on. This was the reality and then there was work, which swallowed up more and more of my time. At a certain point Barbra and I no longer noticed each other and boredom began to creep in. And love? Well we seem to have lost that somewhere along the way. Yet it hadn’t always been like that. I remember the Marriage Preparation course we attended and the words of a Jesuit priest about love…. It felt like we were starting off on some great new adventure. Yet here we were slipping inexorably towards that big black hole where so many marriages end: separation. ‘Twelve years married, you’ve already been in this marriage too long’, said a colleague of mine cynically one day. The other night a conversation with Barbra turned into one awful row. Now everything is finished. But all I could think of afterwards was the terrified expressions on the children’s faces, especially Sophie’s, our ten year old, who is the eldest. She had a big sad ‘Why’ stamped all over her face.

Sophie:

Yesterday Mum and Dad were fighting more than usual. This morning Mum brought us to the babysitter. I think she wants to talk to Dad without having us around. I knew that they were thinking of breaking up. In my mind I remembered how it used to be before and I began to cry. Mum asked me what was wrong, and I said to her ‘Why don’t you give in. Why don’t you try to be the first in loving Dad?’

 Barbra:

As soon as I got home I rang Peter to finish things up. I just couldn’t put up with any more. But afterwards Sophie’s words were buzzing around in my head. My daughter had been the one to remind me that I had to be first in loving…. That phrase caused a deep disquiet in me and silenced my anger. I’ve always taught the kids to love each other and to compete in forgiving each other. When I used to see Sophie fighting with her little sister, I used to tell her to try to love Karen. Suddenly a thought came to me: my family was breaking up and I was doing nothing to save it. Up until now, I had been running away from the reality of our difficult situation. I didn’t even want to think about it. Now, thinking of Sophie’s word, my eyes filled with tears. My God, the thought of surrendering to Peter was unbearable.

Peter:

Like other days, I went to work as usual that morning, but I couldn’t concentrate at all, I was too agitated. Then I got Barbra’s call. She had decided to go back to Korea. She wanted to separate and she wanted to establish what we were going to do about the kids. So we had really reached the end. By now this was the reality of my family. O.K. if it was going to happen, let it happen, I was ready. Inside though, my heart was like ice. I remembered how much I had suffered when my own parents had separated for a long time, and the dramatic, unforeseen, economic problems we had. We all had to find somewhere else to live. It was hard to think that my own children were going to experience the same awful sadness that I had gone through. I felt alone, confused and depressed. Before going to the meeting with Barbra, I decided to stop in a church. I don’t know if I actually prayed. I just sat in front of a crucifix. Slowly a doubt began to form in my mind that maybe I could try to do something. Then again, maybe there was nothing more to be done. Barbra seemed very determined and she was not a woman to be swayed when she had made up her mind.

Barbra:

Before the meeting with Peter I stopped by at Rose, the babysitter’s house. I told the children to say a prayer so that during my discussion with Dad, something would change in our heart. I knew we needed a type of miracle. Sophie looked at me with a sense of relief, finding it difficult to keep back a smile. We hugged each other. At that moment I felt overcome by a serenity and a special strength. Thinking again of my relationship with Peter no longer gave me a sense of dismay.

Peter:

We met. Barbra broke the ice by asking me ‘Why don’t we try to start again?’ She had a new light in her eyes. Her proposal almost threw me, but immediately I answered: ‘Yes Barbra, it was my fault. Let’s start again.’ Therefore the talk we had after was not on the topics we had thought – custody, access and money arrangements. Instead it was a conversation full of sincerity and truth about the mistakes we had made, and our hopes for rebuilding our family. Our viewpoint was different. Suffering had freed our soul and love had been reawakened.

Sophie:

Mum and Dad arrived at Rose’s house while we were eating. They were holding hands and they had a box of cookies for us. Straight away we went home. It was the most beautiful day of our life.

Wishing you all a Very Happy Christmas and New Year.

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