I have a friend, with whom I can share many interesting topics of conversation. We don’t meet often because both of us live busy lives, but, from time to time, we do get the chance for a good ‘natter’. On the occasion of our last ‘chat’, he told me about a young relative of his, with whom he is able to converse easily, and he asked her if she could explain to him why so few young people worship God, in Church, on Sundays,?

She was quick to answer: “It is because of the Church’s teaching about sex!”

Often have I pondered myself and with others, the question as to why younger people, are not more evident in Church, on Sundays, but never have I heard such a blunt and “single-minded” response. As a priest for thirty-eight years, it is obvious to me that the teachings of the Church about sex, do not sit easily with young people, and, I suspect, also with older people in some circumstances, but it came as quite a surprise that this young girl was so clear and forthcoming; I asked my friend to explain.

Very kindly, he did so: “This young relative has had her ‘adventures’ in life. She has children; she is not married, though is now in a stable relationship. In fact, she herself, has been absent from Sunday Mass for quite some time, but, presently, is returning to it – and that is a great joy.  It also explains the reason I was able to ask her opinion. She told me that, in her school days, the only teaching she received, was that anything to do with sex, not in accordance with the teachings of the Church, was sinful. No one had ever explained the reasons for that teaching from the point of view of God’s love.”

Again, I was curious and I asked him to explain further.  My friend continued to explain this young relative’s position:

“Nobody had ever told me that, if you have intimate relationships with another person of the opposite sex, it can affect you very deeply; it affects your spirit, your psychological make-up, your heart and soul.  Often, it goes very deep and is not something that you can just shrug off, as something of no consequence. In my case, it was painful, disturbing and totally upsetting. I did not have peace of soul. In other words, relationships with others bring responsibilities and consequences, and these consequences are, in reality, God’s Love ‘speaking to you’. God is teaching you through the spiritual and psychological feelings that you have. He is showing you that there are inevitable consequences to actions like this – however attractive it may appear to be closely involved, in an intimate way, with others. It is not easy to resist intimacy with another, especially as others in your peer-group behave in similar fashion and either directly or indirectly, encourage you to get involved. On top of all this, the media ‘pushes it’. There is this general attitude to life among people. Priests in the parish, and teachers in the Catholic schools will not be able to overcome these difficulties – these problems – these pressures.

But, all this is only the start.  If, as in my case, a baby comes along, then the responsibility is very obvious – and not just to do with your inner feelings, or your spirit. This, too, is an expression of God’s Love. Young people need to understand these things, from the point of view of God’s Love, because here lies the truth of the matter. One gets involved in sexual relationships with others, and there are always consequences and responsibilities – consequences and responsibilities, that are nothing other than lessons from God, who loves us so much.  It is so desperately important that the young should see things in this way.

Today, (…. and methinks …. all too often …. yesterday, also), young people simply do not accept the Church’s teaching about sex, in the way it is put across – that it is wrong, and a sin – and you should not get involved in it.”

“There is another thing, too. Many young women go on the pill, these days, as I did. What does going on the pill signify? It may be an invitation a girl is making, to the effect she is available to ‘get involved, in an intimate way, with others’, and that she is willing to take responsibility for whatever happens. It makes you ‘open’ for intimate sex, without any responsibility devolving on the young man, and that is what happened to me. In one way, a girl is simply available to be ‘used’. This is something that also needs to be explained – together with, especially, the consequences of such actions.”

All this amounts to an intriguing way of thinking, and one that was new to me – but not because I am unacquainted with the subject of God’s Love. In fact, God’s Love is the theme for the whole year 2010, among all those involved in the Focolare Movement. It is THE fundamental starting point for anyone beginning their spiritual journey to God. When, for the first time, it really ‘came home’ to me that God had an immense and personal Love for me, my life changed – especially as the change was supported by others, who also believed, and knew the truth of that very same thing. My initial insight was therefore sustained –  but it also needs sustaining everywhere, in the ‘hurly burly’ of life.

We two older ‘granddads’ went on to share, and converse about other things. How it is that people – including the young – are not able to listen to others – in many instances, I think, because of the ‘barriers’ within. Often, when trying to talk with others – not necessarily about this topic, (it is extremely unusual for me to have a conversation, with another, about sex), but almost anything to do with the teachings of the Church on personal morality – there is a blank face, and an inability, or unwillingness, to hear (listen to) what is being said. That could well be, because of the way such topics are handled by Catholic teachers and priests. However, I have heard of some amazing people – still young – but past school age– who do go into schools, to meet with pupils and who succeed in communicating effectively – communicating and discussing these subjects, in a way that is acceptable to the young people.

Within my own personal experience, I have seen something very similar, ‘acted out theatrically’, in our High School, when professional actors came in and performed in a play dealing with the issues surrounding abortion. The whole year group were so entranced by the performance that you could have heard a ‘pin drop’, and, at the end, they were invited to ask questions of the actors, just as though they were the ‘real’ people, having undergone the drama of an abortion. This was quite an amazing experience: and so, I conclude, communication with the young can be achieved, successfully, even in today’s world.

This topic – and how we two friends entered into it – has made me think. Sex and the Church is a huge subject, and this ‘blog’ deals with one small aspect, albeit through the means of an anecdote. Whether it is true, that this single issue explains why young people are conspicuous by their absence from Sunday Mass, may be another matter.  The teachings of the Church, linked to the sixth commandment, are not exactly easy to practice for anybody, whatever his, or her, state of life. The good Lord said that the ‘gate to life is a narrow one’; he was not referring to this issue alone, though it is, certainly, a part of it. Furthermore, the issue of intimacy outside marriage, has been there from time immemorial, and perhaps, there is a ‘divide’ separating the way the celibate clergy and religious, see and talk about these things, from the way the lay-person sees them. Comparatively, I wonder if there is something stronger in today’s rebellion against traditional Church thinking, on these subjects, than in the ‘days of yore’?

To conclude, I think it was very much a worth-while conversation I had with my friend, and when I said to him it may provide a useful topic for one of my ‘blogs’, he was content for me to use it, provided everything remained anonymous. I hope all this helps us, one and all, to think and reflect deeply. And, may the Holy Spirit guide us to be truly wise, in this area of our lives, as in all others.